I haven't been here in awhile [29 May 2006|12:32am] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | Radiohead ] It's like I watched it all happening. Like I saw it before it even became a situation. I watched tonight through red, white and blue flashing lights. Dashing blue eyes that take everything in like it's a first day, like it's a first time. Dashing eyes that searched that street for an excuse not to be there. I became drawn to those eyes the first time I ever caught them. The suave perfection that is him. I have nothing to show for it but a broken heart that I can't seem to shake off. im torn. and that's sad. TaG it Up

[12 Jan 2006|11:35am] Hm. I'm very happy. i no longer need to vent. i am so done. and it feels SOOOO good. TaG it Up

[02 Jan 2006|08:28pm] [ music | WVU fight song ] I wanted to lie on sunday night. i wanted to tell him to forget it, to not think about how much it hurts. it's just this feeling you get. used. no longer needed. thats why im mad i guess. mainly because i lose everyone who gets close to me. wow. thats cliche. wow. i don't even care. because.. when a door closes a window opens... in the form of funny, cute and creative. <3 TaG it Up

[28 Dec 2005|01:04am] [ music | The Spill Canvas "All hail the heartbreaker" ] I think i put so much effor into you because i knew that i'd get rewarded.. and... i did <3 god.. is amazing. TaG it Up

booyah [18 Dec 2005|02:20pm] [ mood | uncomfortable ] I called three people, none of which i really had any sort of conversation with, only one really important tho. i listened all the way through that long, stupid voicemail, i was going to speak, but i couldn't, so i didn't. All i did was hang up the phone. I got up, walked into the other room, sat down by the christmas tree and cried. even when i tried to call her and talk to her, she had nothing to say. I had nothing to say either. Just to ask what she was doing. i'm really just not the same... and i'm leaving on a note that is beyond reason. i can't write anymore. i can't put emotions and phrases into words. it's too much for me. i'm done writing. i'll keep it to myself. TaG it Up

[14 Dec 2005|10:06pm] [ music | "Please" Toni Braxton ] I can't get over this ghostly feeling that i'm being lied to. I hate being lied to. and another point.. i'm angry. and for fucking good reason. Give me one good reason why i shouldn't be. Mostly at myself tho. I rely on how i feel to get me through everything. it's like sometimes i don't even think about my future or how it'll affect me. it's safe to say that sometimes i'm an idiot. i haven't written in this in awhile because.. i figured you'd read it, but i guess i don't care what you read anymore.. because it's how i feel and it has a lot to do with you anyways. I'm sorry. From this point, until i get the fuck out of this town to go to college, i promise to no longer let my emotion override me. I promise to be a good friend and nothing more.. to everyone. I promise to change, because.. i feel like there's a lot i need to change. i feel what i fear.. and i feel that failure, won't be good for me right now. i need to focus. focus focus fuCkUS. aha TaG it Up

tell me [11 Dec 2005|11:08pm] [ music | Metallica "Fade to Black" ] I'm upset. It's probably good that i can actually say that now because all i had before was bottled up anger that i couldn't express. i still have bottled up anger. its one of those moments in life where my brain and my heart have a conflict. i don't even get it tho. i can't even explain it. it's tough for me. TaG it Up

[05 Dec 2005|09:45pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Keith Urban "You'll Think Of Me" ] Sweet like a kiss sharp like a razor blade I find you when I' m close to the bottom You cant appreciate the time it takes To kick a love I always knew was kind of wrong And as I'm putting out the flame Somebody brings up you name Oh oh oh oh Baby baby baby bring me down I want to be right where you are Baby baby baby bring me down You can look me in the eye and break my heart Break my heart Six AM unruffled pillow Laughs out loud at my trusting heart It's like I didn't see the penny I missed the fountain by a couple yards If you would only stay gone Maybe I could move on Oh oh oh oh Baby baby baby bring me down I want to be right where you are Baby baby baby bring me down You can look me in the eye and break my heart Break my heart OH! Baby baby baby bring me down I want to be right where you are Baby baby baby bring me down You can look me in the eye and break my heart Break my heart OH! Baby baby baby bring me down I want to be right where you are Baby baby baby bring me down You can look me in the eye and break my heart Break my heart Bring me down... I never thought the application of this song would ever come in use for my life, but it has finally served it's purpose. With dreary, pooled eyes I'm nothing short of a bad mood and to top it all off it's snowing. Yeah, I guess snow is perfect for this. Woo Hoo. All i want is a snow day. One damned snow day just so i don't have to wake up in the morning and FEEL like i don't want to go to school, I know I'll have to, tho. With every shadowed word and every intention. I realize more and more that I want to go home. It's your job to make me feel better too. where are you right now? none of this ended the way i wanted it to, and none of it happened the way i wanted it to, but then again.. what the fuck is new? aha. hilarity at it's most ironic. i guess i'm still that 13 year old girl, infatuated with something that she can't have, something that's appealing, something that "feels" good, because that is all life is based on. Feeling. Come on little girl. grow the fuck up. TaG it Up

[30 Nov 2005|05:16pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | Staind "Fray" ] I actually feeeeeeeeeel awful. which is good as opposed to not feeling anything at all, which would make me numb. I'm glad to not be numb. Not being numb is good. YAY for not being numb. I'm applying to college because the thought of sitting in my room and being all mushy and girly over a boy actually scares me. wanting to put this much effort into something scares me.yet i do it anyway. ////I am a woman of faith. I have faith in you, yet i see nothing from you but the road to hurt. invisible hurt only for myself. It's not like i actually have the guts to ever bring it up again, being shut down once is enough.. i learned. But the closer I get, the more i realize that i need you more than i want you. that's the worst part. I've never actually said this much. just gratifications of love through "i love you"'s to thin air, or at least it seemed so to the unseeing eye. it's hard to pretend what i feel doesn't exist. it's hard, but it would be even harder for me to pretend i don't even know you, that i don't want you in my life. 1 LeFt tHeIr MArK| TaG it Up

[10 Nov 2005|07:25pm] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | Lifehouse "everything" ] I know what i want. i know who i am. i know who i want to be. i love you. i know that. <3 1 LeFt tHeIr MArK| TaG it Up

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]